By Connor Kelly
Romantic Ireland’s Dead and Gone
I thought it was a story from “The Onion” or “Waterford Whispers.” It was too outlandish to be true. But alas, after Google verification, the truth sent me into an uncontrollably savage rage. Whereas in England – this septic isle – one has to prove ones obligation and aptitude in the world of bourgeois politics by orally stimulating the severed head of a recently deceased pig, it seems in the Emerald Isle, the ritual is a little more complex. To prove ones measure as Taoiseach, one must dig up the corpse of James Connolly himself and ride it naked down O’Connell Street whilst singing “Rule Britannia” at the top of ones lungs.
And so it is that Enda ‘Days’ Kenny has invited the Grand Lizard King of Angle-land David Cameron to celebrate the beginning of the revolution that kicked the British out of (some of) Ireland. This is the culmination of the state’s whole ethos on 1916. Well done Enda, your nose is well and truly browned
By God! Why don’t we invite some others too! The more the merrier. While we’re at it we could have General Mike Jackson give a symposium on “How to commit a massacre – for Paddy’s.” We could have Freddie Scapaticci on, “Touts, then and now,” and Kate Middleton on, “The women of 1916.” In fact, let’s go the whole hog, and exhume the corpses of King George and Kaiser Wilhelm and have them on the podium just so we can thank them personally for the opportunity they created in allowing us to celebrate the glorious war dead. Top ‘o’ the morning’ to ya, your Lordship!
If one thing has become clear – if it wasn’t already – it is that the Irish establishment is so horrendously cowardly and obsequious that there are no depths of depravity to which they will not sink. They make Dickens’ Uriah Heep look like Spartacus. Enda Kenny ought slither on his lily livered glistening gut back under the nearest toad-stool before the Irish people re-invent the guillotine for the 21st Century. He isn’t even worth the piss-take. Enough.
No Blacks – No Dogs – No Migrants
The same parasite that Evil Edna has invited to celebrate the Rising this week called the refugees encamped in horrendous conditions at the Port of Calais “a bunch of migrants,” during PMQs. He was chastising Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn for having the unsophisticated sentimentality to visit them and offer solidarity – how un-statesmanlike! That the Prime Minister cannot properly distinguish between migrants and those fleeing war should be bad enough, that he would use their misery to score a racist political point is disgusting. Anyway, does the distinction even exist at all? What about economic refugees? What about those whose conditions of work-life are so horrendous that they can no longer bear to live in their country of origin? These are lumped into the category of “economic migrants.” If you are bombed out of your home because of imperial destruction then – if we happen to be in a good mood – we’ll think about letting you in. But if you’re half-starved on a 12hour day then you should probably just go back to Bongo-Bongo land and work a bit harder, you scrounging little shit.
Remember all of those impoverished economic refugees who left Ireland to find work in Britain throughout the last century? I’m sure Dave does – just a swarm of terrorist migrant scum to him – but, I wonder, does Enda?
MI5 was last week named as Britain’s most inclusive employer. Well done to them! They’ll take you if you’re queer, straight, black, white, Muslim, Hindu or Jew. They’re so inclusive they’ll even take you if you’re a terrorist….though, it seems, they were a little too inclusive on that front. That the British security services have been responsible for orchestrating and turning a blind eye to massacres on “both sides” during the conflict in Northern Ireland should be a surprise to no-one. It is the level of collusion and infiltration that is shocking. The revelations on the Shankill bombing this week are but one in a long line of ever-more disturbing leaks which makes one wonder if there were any massacres during the war that weren’t run from Whitehall. But never mind, we’ll lay all that aside until the 1916 celebrations are over – sure we’re all muckers now. Potato!
CHILDREN OF THE REVOLUTION
In the wider world, dystopia continues apace, and with a startling similarity to science-fiction. Sea-levels are rising, the East Coast US got itself a ‘Day After Tomorrow’ storm, 2015 was officially the hottest year on record, and an Oompa Loompa going by the name of Donald is on track to win the Republican nomination in Americay. But, more worryingly, and more close to fiction, is the “Zika Virus” which, due to Climate Change, is advancing well beyond its natural range and is, according to the WHO, spreading “explosively.” The virus causes flu-like symptoms in most of the population, but for pregnant women can cause horrendous birth defects in the child.
In the incredible sci-fi film, “Children of Men,” we glimpse a near-future dystopia where all the women on earth have ceased to become pregnant. Britain is overwhelmed by refugees and a new authoritarian regime cracks-down hard on the population. We would do well to watch this film again – it may be the future our rulers have mapped out for us.