please unadd me as a friend, by  Oisín Fagan 

If you don’t end all of your posts by saying please unadd me as friend, please unadd me as a friend.  
And if you’ve never done that thing on Facebook where you write a dialogue between two people and one of them is you, please unadd me as a friend.
And if you’ve ever unadded me as a friend, please unadd me as a friend. 
And if you’ve ever added me as a friend, please unadd me as a friend. 
And if you’ve ever talked to Samantha about me behind my back and I could even hear everything cause the bar was practically empty and it was my fucking birthday so how dare you on that day of all days, you knew how I felt about her, you two-faced, please unadd me as a friend.
And if you’ve ever played acoustic guitar, please unadd me as a friend.
And if you don’t think Kanye West’s new album is fire, please unadd me as a friend.
And if you haven’t tried this sandwich I am eating right now, please unadd me as a friend.
And if you are from middle Ireland, please unadd me as a friend.
And what’s a middle Ireland? please unadd me as a friend.
And if you ever had a friend from middle Ireland who lost his driving license, fell into crippling depression and emigrated, please unadd me as a friend. 
And I always thought middle Ireland referred to the midlands until yesterday, please unadd me as a friend.
And if you’ve never disparaged anyone who used a language form that you yourself were unaware of until you went to college, please unadd me as a friend.
And if you’ve never gone to college, please unadd me as a friend.
And if you’ve never unadded all your friends and then created 712 facebook profiles that all bear your own name and your own photo and then added them all as your friends so you live in a facebook mirror world made up of hundreds of yourselves, liking and commenting on hundreds of yourselves, please unadd me as a friend.
This is not a protest song, this is a love song to my unadded unfriends. RIP, you fucking snakes, I unadded you at the end of the day and now it’s my timeline to shine.

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