By Connor Kelly
Refugees Disguise Themselves as Children!
This week, the British Press went into melt-down alleging that the Child Refugees (all 14 of them) who have just arrived from Calais are actually adults in disguise. Crafty refugees at it again! You see, when a refugee gets to the age of 18, they become automatically immune to the effects of Bunker Buster bombs. That’s why we should only take the kids. But those devious Arabs have managed to disguise themselves as children in order to get access to our country and sponge off benefits for the rest of eternity, staring at their gold-plated iPhones and watching flat-screen TVs. (A man down the pub told me he seen a family of Syrian refugees flying a helicopter to the dole office and coming out with sacks full of cash.) As an antidote to this madness, David Davies suggested that their teeth be examined in order to tell what age they are. It works for dogs – why not Arabs? That will certainly stop them abusing Great British “hospitality” – a hospitality which involves destabilizing your region of origin, selling bombs to the highest bidder to be dropped on your heads, then treating you as animals when you ask for asylum – No Blacks, No Dogs, No Arabs (unless you can prove you’re under the age of 18).
Joan Burton is off with her head
In the Republic of Ireland, they take a much kinder attitude to vulnerable teenagers, by locking them up. So it was that a judge today ruled that Joan Burton had been held hostage by a fifteen year old at a water charges protest. If only. This travesty will be challenged tomorrow as a demonstration has been called at the Central Bank at 1pm – if you are in Dublin, or can get to Dublin – go the protest. Joan Burton is possibly the most smug, bullying, and utterly repulsive politician that I’ve ever laid eyes on. She has overseen the collapse into poverty of large sections of the population – and all with a grin and a giggle. Take to the streets and let her – and all the other crooks running this country – know that the people of Ireland are rising, and the days of the traitors in the Dail are numbered. Solidarity with Jobstown protesters!
Sinn Fein forgets they are in government with the DUP
In the Black North, former hungerstriker turned arch-opportunist Raymond McCartney made a idiot of himself when he accused People Before Profit MLAs of lining up with the Tories. He said that both PBPA MLAs “effectively aligned themselves with the Tory little Englanders when they refused to support a motion in the Assembly in support of special EU status for the north of Ireland causing the motion to be defeated by one vote.”
People Before Profit MLA Gerry Carroll replied that:
“Had we been allowed to speak, we would have outlined our position. We did not oppose the motion. We abstained because it did not go nearly far enough. PBP are for the most robust campaign possible to ensure that the post Brexit terrain is shaped in the interests of working class people.”
Of course, even if People Before Profit had aligned themselves with the Tories (a laughable prospect for two revolutionary socialists), McCartney could hardly criticise them for it. Dear Raymond has retreated so far up his hypocritical backside that his head has disappeared entirely. I would remind Raymond that he, and Sinn Fein are in a coalition government with a party who urged a vote for Brexit, and that the DUP are politically about 50 goosesteps to the right of UKIP, never mind the Tories. I would also remind Raymond that he and his ilk are sat there – whilst feigning protest – administering Tory austerity upon the people of Northern Ireland and have been doing so for quite some time. Hands across the divide – orange and green shitting on our heads, together. The next time, before he makes an eejit of himself, perhaps Raymond should look into the mirror and ask himself what Sinn Fein is for anymore?
In other Republican news, the British spy known as Stakeknife has allegedly been spotted hiding in a vintage cutlery drawer in Buckinghamshire. Our roving reporter Marcus Melarkey attempted to talk to him, but was stabbed in the eyeball.